A book was released this week listing the top 100 Australian albums of all time. These lists are always subjective, but music fans everywhere got their knickers in a twist.
I, too, had an overwhelming desire to weigh in. This list has exposed a gaping hole in Australian music criticism. To establish what is the best, surely we must also recognise albums that tip the scales in the other direction? So, I'm restoring the balance and starting my own list of Australia's Best Worst Albums. And I mean best worst in a good way. This is the stuff that really makes our musical landscape truly great (well, sort of).
1. The Bert and Patti Family Album. 1977. Before Kylie and Jason, Australia's TV royalty gave us their version of Making Whoopee and the glorious For Bert, in which Patti sings, ''Some think Bert's not much but I like his gentle touch.'' These two sure put the sexy business back into show business.
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2. Footy Favourites. 1981. This album captured footy players singing, long before Russell Robertson unleashed his musical brilliance on It Takes Two, and Jacko and Warwick Capper committed acts of violence against vinyl. Moustaches reigned supreme and, sadly, auto tune hadn't been invented. Essendon's Tim Watson tackles Kenny Rogers' Ruby, Collingwood's Ray Shaw brings the tears with Danny Boy and Geelong's Michael Turner shimmies to I Go To Rio. Hawthorn's Michael Moncrieff provides the highlight. His cover of Police's Don't Stand So Close To Me takes the creepy sentiments of the original and turns it up to 11.
3. Craig McLachlan and Check 1-2. 1990. Containing the hit Mona, this album is an exploration of the complex mind of one of the biggest TV soap stars of the time. Highlights include Craig meeting his intellectual equal on the track You're Hot, and his tender ode to the end of an ill-fated relationship with the sentimental skirt-gripper It's Been Good.
4. The Agro Album. 1990. Australia had a TV star that was a puppet made out of a bathmat. He was always angry. He also recorded an album. Enough said.
5. Tony Barber. Temptation. 1972. Named after the show Tone hosted before Sale of the Century, it demonstrates that Tony's pipes are in fine form, but it's really all about getting behind the famous face and into the gift shop.
6. Keep Smiling with Daryl and Ossie. 1976. I watched Hey Hey when I was a kid, so I actually bought this. It's full of innuendo I never understood at the time, ''Oh fiddle faddle, I did so want to have a happy ending,'' and un-PC material, ''Harrow Mr Somers, you'll love my dimmy simmys.'' It's a relic of a time past. At least I thought it was, until I turned on the telly last Saturday night.
7. Chopper Read. The Smell of Love. 1996. Chopper recorded this in prison. I will refrain from discussing further. Because I like my ears. Sorry, Chop Chop.
8. Mike Brady. Winners and Sinners. 1994. Mike's earlier hit Up There Cazaly brilliantly captures the emotion of grand final day. This album takes Mike's style to the next level. Every song is about football. There's even a ditty about Wayne, Carey's Theme. ''Look, up in the sky, is it a bird, is it a plane, no, it's Wayne.'' Too much footy is clearly never enough.
9. Jason Donovan. Ten Good Reasons. 1989. He gave me 10 on this album, so I included it. Sorry Jason. I loved you at the time and would put forks in my own eyes if I'd read this then.
10. Ripper compilation album series. 1976, 1977, 1978. The cover art alone guarantees these comps a place on this list. Album tracks are listed on a naked bum, exposed through ripped shorts. Pure class.
So that's my 10 Australian Best Worst albums so far. I hope that we can now recognise that our best worst albums are just as important as the rest of the world's. Let's start the real debate, people.
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